About

My name is Leah. I am a 53 year old wife and “plastic” mom. My dad has step-grandchildren and they call him”p-pop”. Stands for plastic pop since he is not their “real grandfather”. I am raising my nephew and that is why I refer to myself as his plastic mom. I am utterly and hopelessly dazed and confused when it comes to parenting. No kids of my own.

I became disabled at the age of 43 after back surgery that went wrong. I have Adhesive Arachnoiditis. Fancy name for scar tissue which happens to be wreaking havoc on my nerves. I have chronic pain from the mid back down. Most days I would like to cut my feet off because the pain is horrific. I have lost most of my friends since becoming disabled. I can’t do all of the things I used to do. I never know if it’s going to be a good day or a bad day until I wake up. Consequently, I end up backing out of plans on a pretty regular basis.

I love reading and writing. I used to love yard sales! Computers fascinate me. If I can get back into school, I would love to go into forensics. I want to live in Alaska – off the grid – kinda. I would like solar power and internet! Who am I kidding? Running water would be nice too.

Somewhere along the way I lost ” me”. I am in hopes of finding “me” through writing. I hope to meet people from all walks of life on here.

Leah

44 thoughts on “About

  1. Leah, your writing is clear, honest, and free flowing. For years I have subscribed to the idea that you cannot only be entertained by someone’s writing, but see a bit more clearly into who they are, and sometimes why they are who they are. In other words; the real person. Writing allows for freedom of expression—who, knows, that might even account for some hidden reason for why Hitler had books burned—and to say the things we might not otherwise verbally express. Writing can be influential and not always in a good way. But, it can be enjoyably refreshing and helpful in understanding who we are as a people. It also provides a magnificent way to escape not only for the reader, but for the writer as well. I tend to think I say things better when I write. Probably because it forces me to think before I speak, not to mention it also forces me to rewrite it before I express it in the best way I possibly can. And on that note; thank you for following me over in “The Attic” and forgive me for not responding sooner, as I was in Southern California on a little business. I usually getting around to thanking and responding to my readers a little quicker, so I should apologize. Keep writing, Leah. ;o)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! It has been over 15 years since I penned my last journal entry. The reasoning behind that will come out in another blog soon

      I have been agonizing for over two years regarding the decision to write publicly. I have been terrified about the responses I might get. Absolutely frozen with fear with the idea that I could be told I was too uneducated and I should fade back into the woodwork. Being disabled for 10 years has stripped me of what little self confidence I had. I have felt like nothing more than a burden to my family and society as a whole. My husband is killing himself work in an effort to make ends meet. I am racked with guilt.

      I am also bi-polar. I have been stabilized on meds for nine years. I don’t have the mania or severe depression anymore but the meds have left me numb. This is actually the first time in years I feel excitement coursing through my veins!

      So far, I have been welcomed with open arms. I am deeply grateful for the positive feedback that you folks have bestowed upon me. I feel alive for the first time in a very long time!

      I am sitting in my car responding to you when I really need to be in the grocery store getting a couple of things for my mom. She has been out of soda for hours. I feel terrible for doing this and yet, I feel exhilarated at the same time. I can’t wait to get home and start reading your blog. I am addicted.

      Thank you so much for accepting me and for NOT judging me.

      Like

      1. Being that I am also human—complete with flaws and foibles as well, much to my own self-denial—I am in no position to judge anyone, Leah. Nor, would I feel good about doing such a thing, as I have to live with myself, and I’d truly hate being ugly, and leave that for the trolls—because they really are ugly! However, I will be all to happy to claim credit for being the reason for a smile to cross your face, or to lay claim to being a positive force for encouraging you to pursue your writing. But, I’m selfish that way. I’d be willing to dare say, that many of us who write blogs at WordPress—or anywhere else for that matter—have probably been fearful of how our writing might be received once we put it out there for consumption for someone else to read. Indeed, delusional literary phantoms do await to pounce on any unsuspecting writer, like us. And donut munching grammar police can’t wait to arrest us, because we failed to live up to The Chicago Manual of Style—though no one authority on writing really exist. But, that won’t stop the ignorance of the common critic. True, I’ve suffered rejection at the hands of professional publishers—but they had money and I worshiped it from afar—yet, I still pursue and covet their vaults of cash. So, as a result, I continue to confront and unload my submissions on unsuspecting professional editors. I do this full in the knowledge, that they will likely pummel me with their weapon of choice, the dreaded pink rejection slip. But, eventually you’ll figure out how to pick their vaults and then you’ll cash in. However, know this, being slain by a professional killer—like paid editors—can help (if not cure) the occasional arrow carelessly aimed in our direction by a wanton WordPress wannabe critical assassin. True, they tend to work in bunches—not like true assassins who can work in pairs. But, take heart, they’re not paid assassins! When I first started to write on WordPress, I wrote for the blog “Baseball Revival” because I love humor. Yeah, that baffled them too. But, the feedback I received was so good—and equally encouraging—that they repeatedly asked me back. Still, I wanted to have a blog of my own, and I attempted a couple of them. However, neither of them felt right and I soon abandoned them in an attempt to find my online voice. I didn’t just want to be another online journal. So, I went to what I love doing and do best, and that’s humor. The WordPress blog is free, it’s yours, and you can pretty much write about what you want—as long as your not throwing mud at someone else. So, I’d say, embrace your excitement, live it up and explore your voice. You do write well, Leah. :o)

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I can taste the salt from the river of tears streaming down my cheeks – rapidly! Tears of joy. You have brought more joy to my damaged spirit than you could EVER begin to imagine! Humor may be your love but you sir, have a way with gentle, caring, compassionate and encouraging words. Your words have made me feel alive in a way I was sure I would never feel again

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        2. Sometimes I really hate that darn send button!

          You have done for me what many years of therapy would most likely not accomplish.
          I have lost all of the friends I had before becoming disabled. Looking back, I can honestly say that they never made me feel as good as you have today. They walked away because I was no longer the same person they became friends with. I Am still the same person. I just can’t spend hours upon hours going from yard sale to yard sale. The pain becomes unbearable. I often fail to keep commitments because while I may feel okay today, I could be in agony tomorrow. My disability is a cruel one. I have Adhesive Arachnoiditis. Fancy name for scar tissue crushing the root clumps in my lower back. It causes crippling cramps from my hips down. I often scream out in my sleep from the cramps. It terrifies my husband.

          I hope I will have the privilege of enjoying your humor for many years to come.

          I am prepared for the jerks that will say nasty things about my blogs or comments. I am passionate about my belief system. I will not get into a competition to see who can be the biggest jerk. You can not have a rational conversation with an irrational person. I am not worried any more about the grammar or punctuation. You have given me the most amazing gift I think anyone could ever give. The belief that I AM OKAY. I am not useless. There are no words that can adequately express my gratitude. I pray that we can become friends and stay friends for many years to come.

          Thank you from the depths of my soul.

          Leah

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          1. Leah, this is a most wonderful response. Words do have power, but more often then not those words are used to impart negativity instead of imparting something more positive. Of course it’s a lot easier to say those words if you happen to have a way with them, but a lot harder to help someone to believe in those words. The fact that my words could help provide you a little more confidence to write gives me a really nice feeling inside. Mind you, not enough to feel I could possibly hang up a shingle and get away with starting a lucrative practice in medicine without a license—but almost. I’m also very happy that you understand that there will always be the trolls who will come in and try to get a rise out of you, and that ignoring them is the logical thing to do, as it is nothing more than preposterous ravings from demented low life’s. I seriously doubt they can be reformed anyway, but the alternative of having them banished to another solar system my prove fatal to the rest of us, should they land among an alien race out there superior to us. 😀

            Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh Leah, you are not alone! I understand to an extent what you are going through. I have partial seizures, sometimes called walking seizures, where my body goes into convulsions but I don’t fall down and lose consciousness. There are good days and there are very bad days. And I never know what day it will be, or where I will be. It makes it very difficult to go out. But we don’t have to be isolated, the internet is our oyster! We can be there for each other and leave a legacy of the best part of ourselves in our blogs. Your stories inspire me to just love people. Because throughout all the stories of hardship and hate, love alone won. You are a strong woman, and an excellent writer. I’m glad you decided to start writing again, and to share it with us. There likely will be people who come along and are rude, but don’t let anyone dissuade you. Maybe they will see your love and it will enlighten them, because love is contagious. So love on!

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  3. Just dropped in to thank you for the follow. I hope you can find pleasure and new friends through the blogging world just as I have. It is amazing the way it has changed my view on so many things and made me appreciate more the simple things in life. Welcome to Pensitivity101.

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  4. Leah, I just now noticed that you have chosen to follow my blog, and I need to say thank you. Reading just your latest entry allows me to guess why you may have chosen to follow me. There are commonalities between us, I believe…
    I will continue to explore your blog, wish you peace and invite you to keep reading the words that I write, although mine are very sporadic and meander over a wide range of topics. Thank you for your interest.
    Deb

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  5. Hi Leah,
    Thank you for recently finding my blog. I was right where you were 3 years ago. Writing has opened my world. Sometimes like you I have terrible day. I get it. Many blog posts I have written and then realize my gosh I just exposed something so deep about myself that I can not even believe I wrote it. Yet. It has been cathartic all along this crazy path of my life. Thanks again kiddo!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Thank you for sharing your story and reading mine! I look forward to reading more of your words. While for different reasons, I also hope to reconnect with myself through writing and sharing with others in the ‘sphere. Best wishes!

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  7. I’m glad you found the courage to start this blog! I think writing is a wonderful way to discover ourselves, and when we are brave enough to put our writing out there for others to read, we learn even more from their perspectives. And you write very well. Thanks for visiting my blog, too!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words! I am overwhelmed by all the kind words, encouragement and positive feedback I have received. I am deeply grateful and quite frankly, relieved. My self confidence has been rather low of late so I was not expecting anyone to follow me or give me positive feedback.
      I look forward to digging into all the awesome blogs I have discovered thus far, including yours. Thank you again!

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  8. Thank you for your follow, Leah. I feel honored. You have a terrific site! I am sure God will use you to reach out and comfort others suffering so grievously. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

    Blessings,

    A.

    PS. Parenting leaves everyone dazed and confused. Some just hide it better than others. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Anna, thank you so much! I feel deeply honored and grateful for your kind words.
      I do believe that God has a purpose for me. I have had numerous suicide attempts that should not have failed, but He is not finished with me. I have not felt that way for several years. I will admit there are times my physical pain makes me wish for the end to come, just not by my hand.
      I can’t wait to read your book! I hope to be able to order it on Friday.
      Again, thank you for your kindness. God bless

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  9. I wanted to thank you for following me. I also want you to know you are not alone. We all deal with issues others do not understand. Even if I do not have the same issues as another I can still recognize the strength and the courage that they display. You are strong. You will continue to be strong.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Leah, thanks so much for visiting my blog and following. I’m happy to discover your blog as well and look forward to reading more. You’re a very good writer ~ I love your honesty.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. 😉 Aaahh!! We have much in common!! It’s the first time I meet a fellow blogger who uses their back in the title of their blog… oh, and the pain as well!! Tell you what… I’d love to mine gold in Alaska… and sort of live off-grid as well! Hot running water would be great! Thanks for following OMBH… I hope you find a smile or two when you visit! 😛

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Leah, thanks for reading my blog!I can understand the physical pain you are going through every day.I want to tell you though I am sure there is sth uncovered ion you and you will find you once you find this inner light!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Christopher.
      Thank you very much. Some things have gotten better and some things not. Sadly, my husband’s father spent 18+ years of his life telling him that he would never amount to anything. He was not a kid that got in trouble. He hated school so his grades weren’t so great most of the time. That’s really the only thing. When he entered the army at age 19 he had never smoked a cigarette or a marijuana. He had never had alcohol and he lost his virginity just a coupl of week before shipping off. He didn’t get into any kind of legal trouble. I don’t understand his dad. Jerk.
      When i try to approach him with anything that i feel like “we” could do a better job on, he immediately sees his father when he looks at me. No matter how gentle and careful i am with words and tone of voice when i talk to him, he just sees and hears his father. It makes communication very difficult.
      Please understand, i have many faults as well. I’m not trying to say I’m perfect or better than he is. I am just more willing to look at my flaws and work on them.
      Thank you so much for checking in on me.

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  13. Leah, you have done a brave thing in writing your way through. I find it to be the best therapy for all ails, from my physical through my spiritual.
    So, peace, from a new follower…

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Hi Leah – thanks for following me. I’m not very active on my blogs at the moment, as life is catching up on me and keeping me busy with things I don’t really want to blog about. But I’ll be back to read how you are getting on, and praying that you find the right solution for your difficult situation. Blessings x

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Hello,

    I do not know much about you, or your life. I just saw your blog and this is the first post I am reading. However, I promise I’ll keep reading.
    In the meantime, if your ever feel like you need a friend to talk to, just hop into my blog and comment on a post or send me an email (TheSpeakingPAw@gmail.com). Consider us all to be replacement for your lost friends. Keep writing 🙂

    Take care,

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much! I am trying to get internet at home. it is so hard to do this on my phone. I hope to have it by the 20th of this month. Then i can get back to writing as i really miss it. I will stop stop by in the next day or two and read more of your blogs. Thank you so much for following me!
      Hugs,
      Leah

      Liked by 1 person

  16. I appreciate the fact that you’ve chosen to follow my blog–which is an act of courage and choice. In a world of a heck of a lot of words, that means a lot to me. I’ve read your stories here–I’m deeply touched by your honesty and genuineness. Your willingness to show up unafraid and open is courageous. I can’t imagine the pain you’re going through–I’ve not experienced anything like that. But I value the fact that you’re not giving up. Keep writing, my friend. There’s healing in getting your thoughts out of your head. I’m returning the favor and following you. Your story amazes me. You amaze me. I look forward to getting to know you better through your words.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am honored by your words. I had little self-confidence when I wrote the first blog that I was certain no one would read my words or care. I love this community. I received so much support. Thank you so much for following me.
      My only source for blogging right now is my phone. I can’t afford to get Internet services in my home at the moment. I have carpal tunnel and it is difficult at best to write a blog as I tend to be long-winded! Lol. I am still trying to figure out how to get around on WordPress. I do hope to be reading and writing more in the coming days and weeks. A stupid new doctor at my pain clinic cut my morphine in half. He doesn’t like patients to be on narcotics because he said they always have to keep upping the dose. I have been on the same dose for 11 years. Go figure. For two months I have been in too much pain to do much of anything. I see my regular doc in 10 days. He will fix it. It is 180 miles round trip! He is worth it.
      I did manage to post a blog tonight. I would love to have your opinion if you would be willing to read it.
      Thank you again for the follow and your kind words!
      Hugs,
      Leah

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  17. Hello Leah
    I started reading through your blog after you followed mine. Our lives mirror each other is a wavy pattern. I have a congenital back problem that can’t be operated on so sometimes I am in so much pain. Most of my pain, however, is caused by chronic depression and anxiety, which I battle desperately. Although I am American, my parents moved to Europe when I was a child. My husband and I moved back to the USA about 12 years ago but I am not entitled to Disability (not enough SS credits). I do some part-time work and volunteer but am completely reliant on my husband who is a kind and generous man. Right now, at 56, I am going through menopause which is making every condition worse! I look forward to reading more of your blog and commenting – right now my focus is not good. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Ei there! Been following you for a while and I must tell you that it takes real courage to share what you have shared. I hope things get somewhat better in your daily life! 🙂
    On another note, I’ve been nominated for a 3 QUOTE CHALLENGE where I get to chose three other bloggers for it each day. Here are the rules if you wish to join https://throughfantasyandreality.wordpress.com/2016/10/16/day-1-of-3-days-quote-challenge/
    I understand if you wish to stay out of it. Usually I don’t accept these myself, but it seemed good to get to know another bloggers as well as to share my blog and the blog of others!
    Wish you a good day!

    Liked by 1 person

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