Who am I?

FYI: I will be changing the name of this blog tomorrow. I couldn’t decide what to call it. I have now decided. I will be calling it “Ramblings of a lunatic plastic mom”.  It was the best I could come up with. It is how I feel.

Due to the fact that I am an all around hot mess right now, this blog will probably be all over the place. Due to one of the medications that I have to take daily my spelling, punctuation and grammar have gone to hell in a hand basket. Lit and English were my favorite subjects in school. I lived to read and write. Please don’t point out all my mistakes until I have found some self confidence and am more able to handle criticism.

I am very opinionated and make no bones about it. I am also open-minded enough to listen to others so as to gain new insight.

Due to the isolation that so often goes hand in hand with being disabled, I am fairly long winded. It comes from desperation and loneliness. People often walk away when someone becomes disabled because you aren’t able to be the perso n you used to to be. You really are still that person. You just can’t do all the things you used to do and I guess we become annoying.

I have been through hell at times in my life. If I write about those things, please understand that I am not looking for pity. Ever. Those challenges and bad times are what made me who I am today.

Writing is cathartic for me. It helps me work through issues in my life. I am empathic. I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. I need to unload that burden.

Lastly, I am bipolar and ADHD. Add that to my constant companion whom I call pain, I am just a hot damn mess.

I don’t know exactly when I lost me but I hope you will join me on my quest to find me.
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Lousy picture but I don’t like my pic taken. The cute fella nestled in my neck is Rocky. I rescued him a year ago from a shelter nearby. No one wanted him. His owner tossed him onto the side if the road – from a moving vehicle. He lives me even when I can’t love myself. Thank you, Rocky!

Thank you for being here and coming along on this crazy ride!

16 thoughts on “Who am I?

  1. I love it! Yes, our experiences make us! And our pain, even though we hate it, keeps us firmly set in reality. If we had easy, care-free lives we wouldn’t be us. I look forward to reading more about your thoughts and experiences. Also, don’t worry about your punctuation/spelling, your message is much more important!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! My self-esteem has been at rock bottom for quite sometime now. I have been so afraid to write. I kept a journal for many years but that was a lifetime ago. I had a million descriptive words in my head. I used them often. I knew a lot of what I call three dollar words. The one’s that either impress or intimidate people. My mother is smart as a whip. She made me learn those kinds of words early in life. By age two my little sister knew how to say the word antidisestablishmentarianism! I am on an drug used for epilepsy as they discovered it’s usefulness in treating neurological pain. One big side effects is “loosing” words. Big words and little words. It is so very frustrating trying to remember simple words like “cat” and it just won’t come to you. It’s okay though. That medication makes it possible for me to function.
      Thank you so much for understanding why I don’t want pity. I am not a victim and pity would make me feel that way.
      I look forward to reading your blogs. I have enjoyed your posts today. I hope you have a wonderful night!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Life is full of experiences, good, bad n downright shitty. We are stronger for them. And everyone has a right to make their story heard. Nice opening post. Keep writing, keep ’em coming. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you so much for the follow. I tried to read your blog but I just can’t see the small print and even by making it bigger, It has too many visual distractions for my disturbed visual sense. Love the photos of you and your dogs. Wishing you great success here.

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    1. Thank you! He is my rock. Hence the name. He follows me everywhere. He sleeps in front of the door when I am gone and all 60 pounds of him curls up on some part of my body when I lay down. He can’t stand being separated and truth be told, I now have separation anxiety!

      I am so grateful that I heard him crying out for me to pick him. I had picked out a little female when I went to animal control’s website. I never even made it to her cage! As soon as I laid eyes on him I turned to my husband and asked if he would please find a worker so we could take our new dog home. We started discussing names as we were leaving the shelter. My husband wanted to call him “Big head”. NOT! The first thing that came to my mind was “Rocky”. He had been looking one of the Windows and the instant I said Rocky, he turned to me and laid a big old wet kiss on my right cheek. I told my husband that he had picked out his name and Big head was out. There has never been a single instance in which he did not respond to his new name.

      Of all the animals I have rescued throughout my life, he will be the hardest to say goodbye to. So I cherish every moment with him as if it were our last. I wonder if the bet would consider euthanizing me when it’s time for Rocky to cross the rainbow bridge. Probably not.

      Thank you for commenting and following.

      Hugs,

      Leah

      Liked by 2 people

      1. What a wonderful story of rescuing a dog—the perfect dog. One of our daughters fosters dogs. She says it’s true that the person and the dog have to have the right fit. You and Rocky are the win–win winners.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I always open my heart and close my mouth when I go furbaby hunting. I have never picked an animal out. They pick me. They are the ones with no voice. It is only fair to let them choose. Most folks are too busy playing at living life. Their brains have to be going a million miles an hour when they’re awake. Job, kids, house, car, lawn, bills, taxes, friends, family and keeping up with your neighbor. If you can leave all of that outside and just make your mind blank, the right one will call out to you. His/her silent screams will be far louder than all the other sounds put together. They know.

          Did you know that upon returning home to your furbaby, his heart will automatically sync with yours? They beat in time. We have six rescue babies. Three cats and three dogs. They must all sync with me because I’m the one they all try to sleep with! Sometimes they ALMOST give me enough room on the couch. They are the reason I got up every day. You try sleeping with three dogs licking you and trying to explain how messy things will get if you don’t hurry up and open the back door so they can potty. Lol.

          God bless your daughter for being a foster fur mommy! She is my hero. I want so desperately to foster but I wouldn’t have the strength to let them go. I do volunteer transport instead. Will you please tell your daughter I said thank you for being a hero to those furbabies?

          I hope you have a great night. This fur mommy is getting tired.

          Hugs,

          Leah

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Petra said it was hard to discipline herself not to keep a rescue. She managed by fostering seven before she kept Jake, the perfect dog for her. Our rescues have picked us, except for Barney. The fellow at the RSPCA said, ‘take this guy, he’s on death row for tomorrow’. So we did. Had Barney for almost 15 years.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Aww, Barney! How sweet. Isn’t just incredible how the reach out? They know who they want. It kind of makes me wonder just how much smarter dogs are than humans. They definitely depend on their sixth sense. I think children often lose touch with their sixth sense when parents, teachers and friends try to tell the child what they are thinking or feeling instead of trusting what the child says they are feeling.

              It happened to me which left me with a lot of self-doubt. I didn’t start trusting my gut until I was in my forties. Better late than never!

              Liked by 1 person

  4. I love the style, class and quirky attitude, well or unwell, that is what carries one through. Glad to see the pet, seems you both saved bit of each other. B.t.w they say I’m bipolar, been through several episodes yet haven’t taken time to know what it is.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Leah, first off, thank you for stopping by my blog and liking one of my fotos of my dad. I have read a few of your posts and just feel this sort of anger about your plight in life. Who are these selfish people who had nearly sucked the life out of you? Can’t we just box them all up and send them to some kind of commune where they are never allowed to leave? 🙂

    I was relieved to hear that you’ve had a good friend and confidante that has helped you through this difficult struggle to move on with your life and focus on what is good for you. Every experience in life teaches us a lesson or two, should we choose to see it. It may have taken you a bit of time to realize that you don’t need to stop being the good hearted person that you are, but you no longer will waste that kind energy on people who never appreciated it and took you for granted. You never really gave up hope, even when you were near death at that one point as you fought to live. Your friend is right – courage and strength comes from within. People will not hand it to you but their support will help it grow.

    The shameless behavior of your husband had nothing to do with you as a person but who he is as a person. There are so many people in this world that will take and never give back anything worthwhile in return. Some call it dishing out crumbs just so that the receiving person will continue giving their all. You are worth so much more than that! You are finding your strength and that is to be greatly admired. You haven’t given up despite many attempts. What does that say about you? That you really are strong and can survive anything. You just have to keep believing in that! I send you positive vibes and hope that you find the happiness and serenity that you seek in this crazy journey we call life! Just take it one day at a time :).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Andrea,
      You are so kind. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and hope! I have received more hope and encouragement from the perfect strangers I meet here than from most of the people physically present in my life! It just blows me away.
      I will be back to visit your blog in the next day or so. I love your photos. Black and white appeals to me more than color for some reason. I’m not sure why. Why do you choose black and white? I’m just wondering if knowing your reason might help me understand why I prefer them. I am 53 and as a child was exposed to a lot more black and white. Most people couldn’t afford color film back then. I only know that I look forward to following your work as it is beautiful.

      Thank you again for the encouragement. You guys are the reason I have the resolve not to go back into darkness. I have so much gratitude for my followers. WordPress is the only blogging site I have found where there seems to be more love and support rather than negativity. You guys are the cream of the crop!

      Hugs,

      Leah

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      1. Hiya Leah,
        You must always keep that hope with you – it’s what has helped me get through so much of the BS in my own life even if I had only a sliver left…lol. Sometimes we just need a few kind words to regain perspective and I’m glad that you have found many individuals through WP to help you through this. Keep on writing as well – you have a gift for this lovely word flow!

        Thank you ever so much for your kind words! Photography is my creative outlet as work can be very stressful most times. It’s an escape for me as I go wandering about the city looking for the next great shot. I chose to post only black and white fotos for this blog because monochrome seems to make the foto look more elegant, sharp and beautiful than in the traditional color.

        Hugs,
        Andrea

        Liked by 1 person

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